Whispers...

I have neglected my blog...Well not really... to be really honest I am just struggling right now to have anything useful to say. The days are long and filled with much. The days continue to roll together with a myriad of things to do and I look up and think..."Ok God...where are you? I am dying here and I need you to guide me!"

As most of you who know me know, I have most always had an answer for everything. Please forgive me for that! If you ever doubted that just ask my husband or one of my kids...HA! I have always been a fixer and a pretty good gauge of people and what what...so to be at a loss for guidance, advice and the like is very humbling...

Throw in living cross culturally to the mix and somedays I just stammer...at least my brain is stammering...what...do...I...say...right...now...And then there is nothing. Just flat lining. It is the strangest thing to be thinking and there is nothing up there. Just like a vast mass of nothing.

I am learning the hard way that my only hope is in Jesus...Oh did I just say that? That's certainly not very missionary like...

If I thought I needed Him before He is showing me that I cannot live without him...and when He gets me to slow down, make time for Him and finally humble myself I hear Him whisper...

"You need Me...you can't do this without Me. I am going to take everything you are good at and remove it so you have to rely on Me. Yes... just Me... No skill, no knowledge, no training, nothing!...just Me. Oh yeah...and then you might not like my answer. I might tell you no and you might have to see some injustice and feel some real pain. But I am still ruling and reigning and good. Very good. You just need to come to me and I will fill you. 

BUT THIS WILL NOT BE EASY!"

So I cling to The Truth and The Life even when my feeble pitiful brain can't seem to muster a thought... I long for the whisper to become a roar and my stammer to be words that bring Glory to my owner...

So today is my miracle day...because He is still whispering...

                                                                                                                                   Sandy

I am foreign!

Today I have marveled at the interesting things we have had the privilege of experiencing as foreigners. I guess we thought we knew a lot about Zambia...HA!! How stupid we were. We still don't know much...I am very foreign!

But you know, we had been here twice, dear friends live here and had given us as much info as they could, we have been praying for the people and place for 2+ years...you feel like you know something.

But I really never imagined taking deworming medicine. Yeah and it's such a normal thing. One evening one of the boys sitting at our dinner table just blurts out "I have worms". What?!?!?! I about spewed my food all over the table. HA! Oh my word...

And the last two weeks have been a plethora of teenage boy circumcision. Yep! 15 or so...all hobbling around teasing one another. You can only imagine the jokes. Teenage boys are pretty much the same universally I suppose. Having raised two boys has been most helpful! I have handed out more Advil than the local clinic the last few weeks!

And there's the market. I love the market. It's filthy, fun, loud, chaotic, begging, friendly, fighting, bargaining, rap music blaring with christian music, socks, shoes, clothes, tomatoes, toys, you name it they have it...It's where I have been proposed to, kissed, heckled, berated, stalked and EVERY SINGLE TIME I have been yelled at "Hey Muzungu"! Literally that's someone screaming 'HEY WHITE LADY!" Or..."Hey foreigner!"... Yes I stick out like a marshmallow in a sea of chocolate chips (ohhhh....YUM) but at some level it just feels...well...not right. But I actually don't belong here. Remember the Sesame Street song..."Which of these things doesn't belong?" It's me...

People want to talk to me because I am different...or foreign (Ok...or because they think I have money because I am white). Unfortunately most of my life the people I have talked with, hung with, loved, and befriended over my lifetime have been people who were drawn to me because I looked like them, acted like them...belonged like them. Belonging has been easy...safe...nice...

But here I am very foreign and it's really hard some days. OK...It's really hard most days...

So I was reminded today that if ever things start to seem right...if ever I start to feel like I belong...if  things seem easy (haha...) I need to check my spiritual compass. I need to remind myself that I do not belong here. And not just here Zambia... but here earth! Scripture tells us that our home is not here (Hebrews13:14-16). We are only aliens living in a foreign land for the purpose of making God's name GREAT to all nations.

Do you look like you belong here? Wouldn't it be awesome if we looked and acted so different that others wanted to know us? Wanted to know why we are not affected by this world? Why cancer doesn't scare us? Why losing our jobs has no sting? Why giving up the American dream makes sense to us? Why death is victory? People yelled at you "hey foreigner!"and you loved it! It felt right!

We have the choice...choose being a foreigner with me. I desire to be as foreign as possible (no jokes here please). Unfortunately this world has a hold on me...but come with me...lets do this together! I will help you if you help me. Lets shed this home and become foreigners...I promise you it can be the greatest adventure of this lifetime!

It will be our miracle day...we can be foreigners the rest of this earthy life...because He is not done with us yet!
               
                                                                                                                        Sandy